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Last week came the stunning news that this is Fashion Week, and not just in New York, Paris and Milan, but also in St. Charles.
Yes, our St. Charles, the one out on the Missouri River near the Bass Pro Shop. The first Greater St. Charles Fashion Week will conclude today, and apparently a festive, fashionable time has been had by all.
The two people in St. Charles I know best are its county executive, Steve Ehlmann, and the county's PR man, John Sonderegger. Neither of them, and I mean this in the kindest possible way, ever struck me as particularly fashion-forward. Ehlmann's suit jackets usually match his pants, more than can be said of Sonderegger.
I called Sonderegger and asked what he and Ehlmann were wearing for fashion week.
"I've got on khakis and a blue shirt," Sondy said. "Ehlmann, if he's not wearing a suit, is probably wearing khaki-colored pants and a blue button-down shirt."
See? That ensemble is the fundamental problem. All three of the men in my office today are wearing khakis and button-down shirts. Women everywhere, even in St. Charles, are getting far ahead of us; clearly men must close the fashion gap.
Fortunately I have on my desk a copy of the Styles Section from The New York Times of Sept. 10. It says we can do this fairly cheaply, no more than a couple of grand each, way less than the cost of a single suit by that Armenian guy.
The secret: accessories. "Men have become besotted with accessories," The Times reports.
According to the NPD Group, which tracks these things, sales of men's accessories in the first half of 2009 were up more than 7 percent over the same period in 2008, the story reports, while women's sales were down 11 percent.
The Times concludes that "Guys have finally caught on to the accessory's power as a coup de maitre that, style-wise, separates the men from the boys," and quotes a fashion expert: "Anyone can buy an outfit off a mannequin. Having good accessories means you've got your game on."
If you're like me, you're thinking, wow, accessories are big. But what's a coup de maitre? And for that matter, what's an accessory?
Things like belts, bags and bracelets, said The Times. Socks, shoes, scarves, purses, bags, cufflinks, wallets, keychains, sneakers, ties, leather wrist straps.
Leather wrist straps? What, do I look like Geronimo?
And belts are an accessory? I thought they were a necessity. And shoes and socks and underwear? I don't like to brag, but I already wear all these things. I may be more fashionable than I thought. I've struck a coup de maitre, which is pretentious for "masterstroke."
"And eyewear has been explosive," one fashion expert told The Times. In a season where you would think price matters, the most high-end eyewear sold the best."
I wear eyewear, but only because I can't see without it. Other men apparently are buying $400 fashion frames even when they've got eyes like Ted Williams.
Speaking of whom, long before he died and was frozen, the great Red Sox slugger had an endorsement deal with Sears. Williams tested and lent his name to a line of truly useful men's accessories, things like shotguns, fishing rods and outboard motors.
Apparently, the key to fashion, which is my men's fashion tip of the week, is this: Buy and wear things that you don't truly need. Things like an extra pair of shoes, brightly colored socks, a stupid belt, a funny hat, a bracelet. Carry a purse.
Best way to remember: If you wear hunting boots to hunt, it's not fashion. If you wear them to Schnucks, it's fashion.
So I asked my daughter, who has excellent fashion sense, what accessories I would need to spruce up my khakis-and-button down look. She recommended: -- A Fossil watch ($95 at Macy's).
-- A Burberry scarf ($265 at Neiman Marcus).
-- A black fedora ($160 for a Stetson at Levine Hats).
-- Leather driving gloves (Italian lambskin, $79 online).
-- "Interesting socks" ($37 a pair from Gene Meyer of New York).
-- Gucci reading glasses ($150 online).
So, for a mere $786, I could replace stuff I already have (except for driving gloves, which are a total affectation) with cooler stuff that might not be cool next year, thus leaving me in the same place I am today.
This makes no sense. On the other hand, I'd be able to show my face around the fashionistas at the Bass Pro Shop.
Credit: St. Louis Post-Dispatch
